I’m one of the worst kinds of people. Or at least, historically, I have been. I desperately want to be one of those people who look like they have their lives together and can juggle three million different societies and extracurriculars and hold down a job and find the cure for cancer on the weekends then end the year with a first. I just don’t realistically think I ever will be and that’s probably okay.
As ever, it’s all very well and good me writing that down here but, up until this term I haven’t been too great at putting it into practice. In the real world, where I’m an awkward mess, I tend to just say yes. You want me to join your club? Sure thing! You want me do your section of the project? Why not?! The trouble is that pretty soon after I’ve agreed to all of this random bollocks that I’m not even remotely interested in, I realise that I’ve given myself no time to study, or relax, or, you know, eat. I can power through for about a term and everything’s fine (well it’s not, but I convince myself that it is) and then I implode. At the slight whiff of an upcoming exam I take a look at my notes, realise that I’ve only written up one lecture all term and panic. I then proceed to quit everything I signed up for and I’m back to square one. Not to mention the fact that everyone in the clubs I signed up for probably thinks I’m a flaky wanker. They wouldn’t be wrong either.
So, just to prove I’m not completely full of shit, I can confirm that I have used my big girl voice to say no approximately three times in the past two weeks (I say approximately, I’ve been playing the exact conversations over in my head on loop since then like the anxiety riddled mess that I am). I can also officially report that nothing bad happened. Like, literally nothing. It was just a conversation that went like this:
“Do you want to come to X this week?”
I think the important thing is that I have said yes to some stuff as well. I have a job, I’ve just signed up to ONE sports thingy and … well I can’t think of a third thing but give it time. The point is that they’re things I want to spend my time doing (well, or I want money) and I’m hoping that it’ll help me feel like I’m on top of my life. It’s that or I’ll spend any spare time I have watching Netflix (other streaming services are available) and be the same level of clueless that I always am with the added benefit of having binge watched Rick and Morty 30 extra times…